Balance July 2019 - 24

SOMETHING
INSIDE SO
STRONG

Introverts can get a bad rap, but does the world
need them now more than ever?
WORDS JAMES GILL

"The perception of introversion does us no favours," says comedian Chris Stokes. Balance is
trying to find out more about introverts. If we're honest, the office is light on the ground
when it comes to introverts (company meetings can be lively affairs. Annoyingly so, really),
so we've reached out for help on the matter.
"There is a massive misconception. People think introverts are shy and extroverts dance
on the table. It's not that," explains guest editor, Fearne Cotton. "I communicate for a living
and love talking to people. But I am 100 per cent an introvert. I feel drained in groups of
people and don't feel energised by that. I love my own company, I love one-on-one chats that
are deep and I don't like small talk."
If you can relate to this, you're in fine company: there's Harry Potter author JK Rowling,
scientist Albert Einstein and ex-US President Abraham Lincoln. Indeed, stoicism,
thoughtfulness and quiet integrity all helped make "Honest" Abe one of the most-beloved
Presidents of all time. These days, it's all about soundbites, quips and who can dominate on
camera. Heck, just look at who's currently President. And don't get us started on BoJo...
Indeed, in an age of social media and a "me-me-me" culture, it feels like we live in a
society that rewards extroverts when, perhaps, the world needs a little more quiet dignity.
Take Chris, one of the finest comedians on the circuit. Because he's an introvert, he
wonders if it's cost him potential opportunities. Some comics are as good at networking as
they are gigging, but in Chris' case, you're more likely to see him go home after a gig, rather
than rub shoulders with a TV executive. "We're outnumbered 75 per cent to 25 per cent,
which means it's very easy to write us off as weird and rude and we're not," says Chris. "We
just function differently. There have been times when my introversion has rubbed someone
up the wrong way because they've taken it personally, or just think I'm a bit strange.
"It can get in the way of a social life sometimes, and friends eventually stop calling, or it
can even have career implications if certain connections in an industry are made in a social
environment." He makes an excellent point: extroverts are celebrated. Introverts, on the
other hand, need a little more help on the PR front. "Extroverts get a lovely list of adjectives
to describe them: friendly; outgoing; bubbly; life and soul of the party. Us introverts get
quiet, reserved, they keep themselves to themselves. Serial killers haven't helped in that
regard. It's not that introverts are inherently more capable of killing, we're just more capable

of keeping it to ourselves and not getting
caught after the first one..." See, we told you
he was brilliant! But Chris would cringe at
such a compliment. Extroverts, on the other
hand, would revel in a pat on the back, while
outwardly looking to nail the "Aw, shucks"
routine and feigning modesty.
Fearne also struggles to find the right
balance. "I sometimes worry if I retreat from
life slightly and can't differentiate whether
I've made a decision because I'm genuinely
uncomfortable or because I'm retreating.
I find that battle constantly hard... I still don't
know the right answer."
Being introverted, says Fearne, isn't without
its benefits: "I like it because when I do
connect with someone, it's very genuine." And
Chris agrees. "It might be seen as a tendency
to overthink, but retreating into yourself a bit
more gives opportunity for contemplation and
self-reflection, which in turn leads to a decent
understanding of yourself.
"As introverts, we get our energy from
being in our own company; it can be as
nourishing as sleeping or eating, which means
that quiet, alone time is most definitely a
benefit from our perspective.
"A lot of people see silence as a precipice
they have to save themselves and everyone
else from falling over, but as an introvert I see
it as a lovely, peaceful lake. That people throw
shopping trolleys in."
Ultimately, Chris likes it this way. "I value
the opportunities for reflection. I find they
really help with mental health in general and
with it being largely where your comfort zone
lies, then I'm very grateful for being an
introvert as that's where I'm comfortable.
If I were an extrovert, extroversion would
be stimulating for me and not exhausting, as
it is now.
"If it were any other way, I wouldn't know
any different. But I am, as it stands, very
happy being an introvert having weighed up
the options. And believe me, I've had a lot of
time to weigh them up..." B

Find out more about Chris Stokes on
his Twitter feed (@_chris_stokes), listen to
his podcast Mystery on the Rocks, or visit
chrisstokescomedy.com

http://www.chrisstokescomedy.com

Balance July 2019

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