Balance June 2018 - 42

FA I L T O T H E K I N G

PERFECTLY SOUND ADVICE

Always be
mindful of
'all or nothing'
One mistake doesn't
equal a failure. If
95% of something
has gone well,
spend 95% of your
time focusing on the
good stuff, rather
than what you
weren't happy with.

Do a reality check

image with others," says Thomas. The
findings echo a report published by
the World Health Organisation, which
predicted by 2030, mental health
problems will be both the leading type
of disease and cause of death worldwide.

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
So how can someone suffering from
perfectionism curb and manage their
traits? By constantly striving and
looking for success, when perfectionists
fall short they often feel even worse. "It
becomes about the unattainable place
they want to get to, rather than seeing
that it's about the process and learning
along the way". On the rare occasions
perfectionists do succeed, they put the
positive outcome down to luck and
move the goalposts again.
Clinical psychologist Dr Jessamy
Hibberd's answer is to constantly ask
people to reassess and reflect on the
reasoning behind their goals. Often
people target working hard and doing
well as a way of reaching the ultimate
goal of happiness and enjoying their life
but this is often the start of the vicious
cycle. "It doesn't mean that you don't
work hard or set high goals, but it's
about being fair to yourself," she adds.
"The idea that success is what makes
you happy is almost a trap."
Attaining perfection is a wonderful
denouement, but it's a holy grail as
elusive as riding your pet unicorn. B

42

Perfectionists have a
tendency to play the
starring role in
countless self-doubt
sagas. Use this checklist
to remove yourself
from the cast
list permanently.

Are my thoughts
factual, or my
interpretations?

Am I jumping
to negative
conclusions?

Is this situation as
bad as I'm making it
out to be?

What's the worst
thing that could
happen? How likely
is that to happen?

Will this matter in
five years? At the
pivotal moments
of my life (moving
abroad, childbirth),
will this matter?

Perfect/imperfect
Aiming for
perfection is an
imperfect mindset.
You're setting
yourself up for
failure; aim high,
but be realistic.
Don't move your
goal posts
Research shows we
quickly adjust to new
life circumstances
and consider it
normal. Although
the human capacity
to adjust can be
helpful if things
get harder, be aware
the 'hedonic
treadmill' when
chasing happiness
doesn't actually get
you anywhere.
Expectations and
desires increase to
match what you
have. When we
reach our goals, we
reset them a little
further away.
Enjoy the process,
not the destination
Goals might form
the foundations
of the adventure
and the reason for
setting out, but
actually reaching
them is not what's
important. The
process brings
meaning and
therefore, greater
happiness.
Do it for yourself
Doing things for
external validation is
precarious: you can
only feel as good as
others believe you
to be. Instead, build

BA LA N CE June 2018

an internal log of
how you're doing,
and recognise your
strengths and
successes.
Don't fear failure
The fear of doing it
wrong creates
mental paralysis.
Remind yourself that
mistakes are an
opportunity to learn
faster, and often
lead you in a better
direction as a result.
Be clear about
what it is you're
trying to achieve
and whether
that's realistic
The process of how
you get to your goal
is as important as
you achieving the
things you want to.
Tick them off a list
and give yourself a
richly-deserved
'well done'.
Perfect is the
enemy of great
How many projects
have you thrown
away because they
weren't perfect, or
because you were
worried how others
would judge them?
Getting something
out is better than
abandoning your
hard work.
Think your fears
through to their
conclusions
Perfectionists
often think
catastrophically.
Consider the worst
possible outcome of
your fear, then be
honest with yourself
about how likely that
scenario actually is.
Unique is unique
Instead of focusing
on the negatives and
what everyone else
wants you to change,
pay attention to
your strengths and
the things that make
you unique.

Good enough?
Good enough!
No matter how many
mistakes you make,
or how slow you
progress, embracing
good enough, and
sharing your work,
is still better than
keeping everyone
else waiting for
perfection.
You raise me up
Everyone has their
version of perfection
and there is no clear
definition of what it
is or how to reach it.
The most important
thing is to find
beauty in your flaws
and surround
yourself with people
who lift you up, not
put you down.
Sail the relationship
What you expect of
yourself and others
is your rule. How you
do things is your
choice, but that
doesn't mean that
everyone else has to
sign up for it.
Socially aware
Most people feel
worse after being
on social media if
they use it aimlessly,
compared to if
they're on it for a
set period or using
it as a tool to catch
up with friends and
family. Being a
voyeur isn't as good
as engaging with
people so if it's
getting too much,
it can be good to
take a break.
Find a place to
reset your mind
It might be the local
coffee shop, the
hackerspace in your
city, a particular
park, or whatever.
The point is to find
that place where you
can go where you're
reminded that the
world's a lot bigger
than just you.

IMAGES: GETTY IMAGES SOURCES: TINYBUDDHA.COM, FORBES.COM, MEDIUM.COM, THEACORNSTASH.COM

and
Trial or
err



Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Balance June 2018

Balance June 2018 - 1
Balance June 2018 - 2
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Balance June 2018 - 4
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