Balance February 18 - 69

Mas

s

et r c l a s

How to win at a break-up
with

Sara Davison

ABOUT ME
I'm known as the Divorce Coach.
I specialise in helping men and
women cope with any kind of
separation, from your first love
to a divorce, same-sex break-ups,
whatever. I impart the sort of advice
I wish I'd had when it happened to
me (I'm happily divorced!).

TIPS FOR
BREAKING
NEWS OF A
BREAK-UP

GOODBYE, TREADMILL
Don't let a relationship ending define
you. See it as a golden opportunity to
jump off the treadmill in order to
reassess your life and redesign your
future just as you'd like it. A lot of
married people don't have that
opportunity - they feel stuck and
don't analyse their situation. It's a
chance to spring clean your life.

BACK TO
BASICS
Don't overload
people with emotion,
stick to facts.

FLIP IT

WHAT A GOAL

Take off the rose
tinted glasses and be
real about everything
that wasn't
good about your
relationship. Flip it
by finding a positive
you can take from
your split and focus
on that.

After a break-up, you must
understand what makes you tick,
and that means setting goals. The
key to this is to find something that
actually excites you. At my retreat,
we go on a voyage of self-discovery
to find out who you are and
rediscover your identity. These are
easy stepping stones.

DON'T BE
BORING

FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE?
How do you know it's time to call it a
day? When you're making sacrifices,
and not compromises. Any
relationship involves compromise:
she likes Indian, he prefers Chinese.
But sacrifices are damaging to who
you are at your core. You have to
stand strong and put yourself first.

WORDS: JAMES GILL

ROSE-TINTED EX
When people reflect on an ex, they
strap on the rose-tinted glasses and
just see the good. I tell clients to
write a list of the bad things their
ex did. Maybe you didn't like it
when they left their clothes on the
floor, put you down, didn't invite
you to things and so on. The cold,
hard truth reveals the things you
weren't happy with.

GOOD GRIEF
Please know that grieving over an
ending is absolutely normal and is
part of the healing process. People
have said to me they are concerned
because their GP has told them
they're depressed, and they
worry that will be with them for life.
That is a natural stage. When the
psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
created the Loss Cycle it applied
to those facing imminent death,
but it can concern any ending or
loss: denial, anger, bargaining,
depression and then acceptance. So
depression is perfectly normal and
remember: it does end. B

February 2018 BA LA N CE

For details on break up
retreats, one-to-one
coaching or Sara's new
20-part video-coaching
programme, visit
saradavison.com

If you tell your sad
story to everyone
you meet, that then
defines who you
become. You want to
have other things to
talk about, otherwise
your friends may end
up thinking: 'Oh no,
here we go again.'

The outcome

Life changes and break-ups aren't always negative. You
can still cherish the good times. My wedding day and the
birth of my son were two of the best days of my life.
However, I don't want to be married to that person any
more. Keep good memories, then create some more.

69
http://www.saradavison.com
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Balance February 18
