BalanceAprilIssue2017 - 62

HOW TO GROW
OLD GRACEFULLY

with
A bit about me
People have said I
have an old head on
young shoulders. My
stand-up is closer
to someone's auntie
than a 28-year-old
man. I am an elderly
woman and have
been since birth.

JOE LYCETT
HOW TO
BEHAVE AT
BIRTHDAYS

'I've always felt like
an old person, in some ways
it means I like pretending I'm
frail. If only I could get the parking
space closest to the supermarket.
But unfortunately for me, my
legs work perfectly well.
I'm absolutely livid.'

❶
Act dreadfully
(in a nice way)
A birthday is such an
arbitrary thing, so I
feel icky about having
a birthday party.
You're assembling
everyone to say:
'Well done. You didn't
die.' It feels crass.
But I love other
people's birthdays, so
I say enjoy everyone
else's because yours
will not be as fun.

H ey, pesto

Pesto is a great way to grow old
gracefully. I'll explain. Perfect
pesto is fresh basil, obviously,
a clove of garlic, pine nuts, some
cheese, lemon and rapeseed oil.
Whizz it all up and it's one of the
greats. Making pesto focuses the
mind on something other than
what you're going to do about
your impending death. You don't
think about that - just the pesto.

❷

M ega Watts

I'm a fan of philosopher Alan
Watts. He says that self-help
is impossible because you are
presuming to know what an
improved version of you is, but
ultimately, you can't improve
yourself. You are just you.
However, don't despair. It's a
cause for celebration. When
you arrive at realising that you
can't be any better, you just be.
Paradoxically, that's self-help, but
he acknowledges that.

Kiss my bath

I love a bath. I do a lot of work in
the bath. I put magnesium salt in
it because it's good for relaxing the
muscles. And the new iPhone is

62

Performing on
BBC One's Room
101

waterproof, so you can drop it. I do
all my emails and admin in the bath.
Why do admin anywhere other
than in a magnesium salt bath?

M ake things

On the topic of happiness,
my mum said we need to
find meaningful occupation,
i.e. be occupied with something
meaningful. Mum is a brilliant
gardener and opens hers each
year to the National Gardening
Society. She was so taken by that,
it gave her a new perspective.
So I've been making weird clay
sculptures. I love it - it's joyous
and I'm learning loads.

BALAN CE April 2017

That's The Way A-Ha A-Ha
Joe Lycett: Live; DVD out
now. Join Joe's mailing list
at joelycettcomedy.co.uk

Have a chat
It's like being on
stage. Sometimes
it clicks and you
know what you're
doing, then other
times you think:
'Everyone hates me.'
But chatting makes
you feel like you've
connected.

❸
Leave early
Never stay until the
end. You've got a busy
day of pesto-making
and having a bath to
look forward to.
I always leave superearly. I want people
to text me the next
morning to say:
'Where'd you go?'
But it never happens.

the outcome

'Growing old isn't something you do at a
certain point. Have goals, but maybe have loads
to tick off so you don't feel sad about not doing
them all. Or don't. I don't have goals. I just
accidentally do things.' B

WORDS: JAMES GILL IMAGE: GRAEME COPPER

Masterclass
http://joelycettcomedy.co.uk
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