athomeparentingwithJoFrost2017 - 149
IT'S A MUM'S LIFE CHILLING WITH DAD AT HOME WHAT THE EXPERT SAYS ELAINE HALLIGAN, LONDON DIRECTOR OF THE PARENT PRACTICE (THE PARENTPRACTICE. COM), GIVES TIPS ON KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON TRACK AFTER A NEW BABY THANK YOU NOTES Keep a little book on for us to be together. My work in a busy London hospital was rather hectic, so it was good to have Ercan with me. 'I have always worked very hard and knew once I had my child I would return to the job somehow as it is too important for me to give up. 'I knew everything about the stages of labour and birth, having supported so many women through it, but nothing prepared me for my own delivery and the sense of pure love I felt when I held Mikail for the first time. I chose to have my son at a hospital closer to my home and will never forget the overwhelming joy I felt, seeing his face for the first time.' WORDS: SUZANNE BAUM NAPPING LIKE A BABY 'The early days of being a new mum were exhausting though, and the lack of sleep was difficult for both Ercan and I. It has at times felt like an emotional roller coaster as we have tried to juggle things between us on very little sleep. 'I took 10 months of maternity leave but then decided to go back to work two nights a week. This meant Ercan could look after the baby when I worked, so we could avoid the costs of childcare. 'Ercan works as a barber so the night shift pattern kind of works, even though it means I struggle with sleep the next day and make myself nap when Mikail does. I liked the fact that I was able to keep my career going but was not missing out on motherhood.' 'IT WAS HARD TO ADAPT' your bedside table and write one thing in it each evening that you appreciate about 'Some things your partner. have been a struggle for us and having a baby has affected our relationship, as we had less time together and were almost like ships passing in the night. Ercan found the role reversal difficult to adapt to, being sole carer two nights a week, but as Mikail gets older, I will probably go back to day shifts and things will be easier. 'With both of us working it is very difficult to go out as a couple and it has been hard to adapt to having no time alone. However, things are easier now Mikail sleeps through the night and we have realised how important it is to spend time together as a family, even if it's going to the local park. 'The biggest problem is that I need to go to sleep early on the days following a night shift and so I am often asleep and don't see Ercan until he gets home. It can be very exhausting, but I feel lucky my work allows me such flexibility. The fact I have such a supportive mother and sisters who live close by is a huge bonus. 'Mikail is a wonderful little boy and I love being a mum. The fact I can combine it with a job I enjoy is brilliant and I look forward to the future, when I can spend more time having dinner or go out to see a film with my husband, like we used to.' Having a baby is like a new beginning, as relationships are refreshed, goals set and dreams created. However, the transition to parenthood also brings with it stresses for the couple. Research shows that after the birth of a child, many couples can find the quality of their relationship suffers. This may compromise parenting and spoil what should be joyous parent-infant interaction. But there are ways you can help to make sure your relationship stays on track: ✦ A strong emotional bond between the parents is not only the key, but also the best foundation for a baby's development. The love you have for your new baby helps to form such a bond, so plan to work together and support each other in your shared goal of looking after your child ✦ Get in touch with your fun, playful side and start to wonder and marvel at the simple things ✦ Don't try to be a Super Woman Mum. Take your own naps during the day when your baby is asleep - the housework can wait ✦ Develop a culture of appreciation by telling each other regularly what you appreciate about each other ✦ Sex and intimacy declines - be aware of this and be patient ✦ Dads sometimes withdraw if Mum, or the women in Mum's circle, in being supportive to her, make him feel not needed. Dads have a very special role to play with newborns and are just as capable of caring for them as mums ✦ Make communication a priority and set regular date nights once your baby is in a good bedtime and feeding routine ✦ Your relationship is likely to change when your baby arrives. Don't wait until it is stressful to take action. Nurture your bond as a couple before the baby's arrival. www.athomemagazine.co.uk J UN E 201 7 | 1 4 9