athomeparentingwithJoFrost2017 - 149

IT'S A MUM'S LIFE
CHILLING WITH
DAD AT HOME

WHAT THE
EXPERT SAYS
ELAINE HALLIGAN,
LONDON DIRECTOR
OF THE PARENT
PRACTICE (THE
PARENTPRACTICE.
COM), GIVES TIPS ON
KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
ON TRACK AFTER A NEW BABY

THANK
YOU NOTES
Keep a little book on

for us to be together. My work in a busy
London hospital was rather hectic, so it
was good to have Ercan with me.
'I have always worked very hard and
knew once I had my child I would return
to the job somehow as it is too important
for me to give up.
'I knew everything about the stages of
labour and birth, having supported so
many women through it, but nothing
prepared me for my own delivery and
the sense of pure love I felt when I held
Mikail for the first time. I chose to have
my son at a hospital closer to my home
and will never forget the overwhelming
joy I felt, seeing his face for the first time.'

WORDS: SUZANNE BAUM

NAPPING LIKE A BABY
'The early days of being a new mum were
exhausting though, and the lack of sleep
was difficult for both Ercan and I. It
has at times felt like an emotional roller
coaster as we have tried to juggle things
between us on very little sleep.
'I took 10 months of maternity leave
but then decided to go back to work two
nights a week. This meant Ercan could
look after the baby when I worked, so we
could avoid the costs of childcare.
'Ercan works as a barber so the night
shift pattern kind of works, even though
it means I struggle with sleep the
next day and make myself nap when
Mikail does. I liked the fact that I was
able to keep my career going but was
not missing out on motherhood.'

'IT WAS
HARD TO
ADAPT'

your bedside table and
write one thing in it
each evening that you

appreciate about
'Some things
your partner.
have been a
struggle for us and
having a baby has
affected our relationship, as we had less
time together and were almost like ships
passing in the night. Ercan found the role
reversal difficult to adapt to, being sole
carer two nights a week, but as Mikail
gets older, I will probably go back to day
shifts and things will be easier.
'With both of us working it is very
difficult to go out as a couple and it has
been hard to adapt to having no time
alone. However, things are easier now
Mikail sleeps through the night and
we have realised how important it is to
spend time together as a family, even if
it's going to the local park.
'The biggest problem is that I need to
go to sleep early on the days following a
night shift and so I am often asleep and
don't see Ercan until he gets home. It can
be very exhausting, but I feel lucky my
work allows me such flexibility. The fact I
have such a supportive mother and sisters
who live close by is a huge bonus.
'Mikail is a wonderful little boy and I
love being a mum. The fact I can combine
it with a job I enjoy is brilliant and I look
forward to the future, when I can spend
more time having dinner or go out to see
a film with my husband, like we used to.'

Having a baby is like a new
beginning, as relationships are
refreshed, goals set and dreams
created. However, the transition
to parenthood also brings with it
stresses for the couple.
Research shows that after the
birth of a child, many couples can
find the quality of their relationship
suffers. This may compromise
parenting and spoil what should be
joyous parent-infant interaction.
But there are ways you can help
to make sure your relationship
stays on track:
✦ A strong emotional bond
between the parents is not only the
key, but also the best foundation
for a baby's development. The love
you have for your new baby helps
to form such a bond, so plan to
work together and support each
other in your shared goal of looking
after your child
✦ Get in touch with your fun,
playful side and start to wonder
and marvel at the simple things
✦ Don't try to be a Super Woman
Mum. Take your own naps during
the day when your baby is asleep
- the housework can wait
✦ Develop a culture of appreciation
by telling each other regularly what
you appreciate about each other
✦ Sex and intimacy declines - be
aware of this and be patient
✦ Dads sometimes withdraw if
Mum, or the women in Mum's circle,
in being supportive to her, make
him feel not needed. Dads have
a very special role to play with
newborns and are just as capable
of caring for them as mums
✦ Make communication a priority
and set regular date nights once
your baby is in a good bedtime
and feeding routine
✦ Your relationship is likely to
change when your baby arrives.
Don't wait until it is stressful to
take action. Nurture your bond as a
couple before the baby's arrival.

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